Return of the Ultimate Book of Spells/Transcript
This is the transcript for Return of the Ultimate Book of Spells. Transcript Scene 1 (Gorge goes outside) Gorge: What a big book! (Gorge picks up the book) UBOS: Halt! I won't grant spells to just anybody. I am the Ultimate Book of Spells, but you can call me UBOS. Gorge: OK, but what am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to fight the forces of evil now that I've got such an ultimate book of... well, spells? UBOS: No, that's Star Butterfly's job. (cut to Star reading her book while talking with Glossaryck) (cut back to Gorge and UBOS) UBOS: Your job is to find the three heroes who kept Zarlak sealed in his prison. Gorge: Who might they be? UBOS: You never watched the original Ultimate Book of Spells series, haven't you? Gorge: Only heard of it. UBOS: They are Cassy, Verne & Gus. Please try to memorize their names. Gorge: So lemme get this straight... you want me to find your original owners so they can keep an evil wizard imprisoned? UBOS: You don't even know how to use magic properly! Magic can backfire, as you already know. Gorge: That's why there are Spelldrives. UBOS: Blast that new techno-magic! It shouldn't even qualify for real magic. Gorge: Well, I already know a couple of friends. UBOS: Who are they? Gorge: Molly and Gorgina. UBOS: Why not that otter-girl? Gorge: She's too busy playing in her own virtual world. UBOS: Furry Frenzy? I can conjure up a bubble so you can stay human in that world. Gorge: (facepalm) UBOS, first off, it'd practically be impossible to go in there and stay human, even with magic. Second of all, I'm not willing to risk it. UBOS: But if you're not willing to risk it... Gorge: I'll get my friends. (2 hours later, Molly and Gorgina are at Gorge's house) Gorgina: This "Furry Frenzy" virtual world is going to be great! I can't wait! Gorge: This is why I don't use virtual worlds which turn people into animals. UBOS: Why is that? Gorge: I just don't. UBOS: Well, it's time to venture off. Gorgina: Sorry, but "Furry Frenzy" will have to wait. We gotta go somewhere. (30 minutes later) Gorge: Since when did Molly get her driver's license? Molly: Don't question how I can drive. UBOS: Want me to dilate Molly by a scale factor of 2? Gorge: Heck, no! Remember what happened about Garfield and Odie? UBOS: I see your point. Gorge: Besides, I've got an entire stash of ray guns! UBOS: ...which you left at home. Gorge: I'd better not question how this book knows stuff about anyone. UBOS: I know lots of stuff about other people! Gorgina likes playing "Furry Frenzy" because she has nothing better to do! Gorge: In other words, it's gonna be critter madness all over again. (the car breaks down) Gorge: Well, that's just great. UBOS: That's gonna run you up about $300. Gorge: Well... do you have a spell or anything to fix it? UBOS: Of course. Abracadabra! (the car gets fixed) UBOS: All done without payment. Gorge: Thanks, I guess. Molly: I need to keep it nice and easy, as I'd never know where you'd need- (the car runs out of gas) Molly: -fuel. Gorge: UBOS? UBOS: Oh, right. Abracadabra! (the car is instantly filled up) Gorge: Well, now that we've got the car in perfect condition, I suppose we could- wait a minute! I didn't expect Lance Boil to crash our party! UBOS: Quick! I can grant the Grossologists unlimited strength to beat him up! Gorge: They're interested in science, not strength! Let's see how this plays out! (cut to Lance Boil, the Toilenator, and Knightbrace) Lance Boil: We're headed off to Britain to turn those three young animals old! Knightbrace: Why did you call us up? Lance Boil: I need you for my evil schemes. Toilenator: Will I be of any use? Lance Boil: Shut up and let me think! Yes, you can aid me. (Abby and Ty Archer arrive) Abby: That won't be necessary, Boil! Lance Boil: Grossologists!? And that Ultimate Book of Boring, sitting right over there? UBOS: Abracadabra! (Lance Boil stops in place and can't move) Lance Boil: Mark my words, UBOS, I'll have my revenge! Ty: But not anytime soon. Abby: And who are these? The Toilenator and Knightbrace? Ty: Yeah, they're wimps compared to Lance. Abby: Better put them behind bars just in case, though. UBOS: Well, Lance is off to jail, and now do we celebrate? Gorge: We're not even done. You said that we need to find your original owners, right? UBOS: Oh, right. Gorge: Well, we can observe stuff everywhere. French boarding schools, Third Street, and even lakes, I don't care where we find them! I promise that we will find them! UBOS: That's the spirit! Gorge: Let's go! Molly: OK! Gorgina: Almost... got it. (Gorgina's phone dies out) Gorgina: So close... Gorge: Next stop: Scott's Pizza! Scene 2 Lance Boil: Blast it! Toilenator: Hey, at least we escaped, so that's a start, I guess. Lance Boil: No, it's not fun at all. We barely got out of there and those Grossologists were the main source of the problem. Toilenator: I say we age them up! Lance Boil: No, Toilenator. Abby was still willing to fight, and aging her up did no good the last time. Toilenator: "Furry Frenzy"? Lance Boil: Stay away from those kinds of games. They'll rot your brain. Knightbrace: Says the villain who actually does commit crimes. Lance Boil: Bring out the prisoner! (Sharon is dropped down and hits the table) Sharon: You could've broken my braces! Watch what you're doing! Lance Boil: Oh, my bad, Sharon. Hope you like the random animal generator from "Furry Frenzy"! (Lance Boil turns Sharon into a gopher) Sharon: What have you done? Lance Boil: Just a little test experiment. Soon Abby and Ty will join you, along with most of the world, too! Over 7 billion people... minus 4. Knightbrace: I thought you were gonna say minus 3! Lance Boil: But I heard that someone doesn't like games that turn people into animals! So, he's not gonna get an account. Knightbrace: But I have a scary story. When someone enters the virtual world at night, he or she is cursed to become a were-animal! Lance Boil: Worst scary story ever. It's not even nightfall, it's only noon! Knightbrace: I'm not finished yet. Said were-animal is about 4 times the size of that animal's normal size. Lance Boil: I'm listening. Knightbrace: And male were-animals sound monstrous! Female were-animals sound like the Hair Razor! Lance Boil: Enough about the Hair Razor! I've already lost my hair when I got shrunk down! Knightbrace: So that's how you got that giant boil! Lance Boil: And nobody'd better dare talk trash about my boil! Knightbrace: Sorry, Lance. Hate to hear your own backstory. Lance Boil: No matter! Tomorrow night, we attack Gorge and turn Gorgina into a giant otter! Knightbrace: The "giant" part isn't literal, you know. Lance Boil: Oh, but it will be, the night after! Knightbrace: What about the book? Lance Boil: We rip that stupid book to shreds! We've got Spelldrives for magic stuff now! Who cares about that book anymore? Knightbrace: Gorge does. Lance Boil: First off, we'd better make sure he isn't leaving! Knightbrace: Sure, I'll do that. Lance Boil: You said a were-animal is about 4 times bigger than a normal animal of that same species? Knightbrace: Yes. Lance Boil: Guess I can put that scary story into use after all... and then, I'll completely destroy the book, and enact my... revenge! (maniacal laugh) Knightbrace: Seriously, you need sleep. All this over a book? Lance Boil: The only way to make sure it's permanent is to destroy that damned book! Toilenator: I like that scary story! Lance Boil: Good. Time to enact our revenge! Scene 3 Gorge: Closed? But it's only noon! Scott: Sorry, ran out of supplies. Going on a supply run. UBOS: Where have you seen three young wizards? Scott: I haven't, to be honest. Last time I checked, no customers came in today. (Gorge gets out his binoculars) Gorge: We're under attack! (Lance Boil goes over to Scott) Lance Boil: Do you have enough ingredients for a pizza? Scott: I'm going on a supply run. Lance Boil: Oh, no matter, I'll wait. (Scott goes on his supply run) Gorge: Why are you here? You're not supposed to be here! Lance Boil: This is the only place that serves my favorite pizza anymore! If they discontinued it, I would've sworn revenge on them years ago! UBOS: I've got magic spells, you know. Lance Boil: Hand that book over! Gorge: Why? Lance Boil: Because it's, uh... recalled. Gorge: You're lying! There's only one copy of this book in the world, hence the name "Ultimate Book of Spells". Lance Boil: OK, it's cursed? Gorge: Not even close. There was never a curse placed on this book. Lance Boil: Well, um... revenge! (Scott returns from his supply run) Scott: Oh, your favorite pizza has been discontinued. Low sales last month, remember? Lance Boil: How dare you! I shall have my revenge! Scott: Is revenge all he talks about? Gorge: Nope. Lance Boil: I need to rip that book to shreds! Scott: That's a unique book! Don't let anyone rip it right to shreds! Gorge: Got it! (Scott dials the Bureau of Grossology) (Abby and Ty Archer instantly arrive) Abby: You thought we didn't have speed-dial, right, Boil? Ty: It's time for you to go behind bars! (meanwhile, back at Gorge's house) Gorge: Well, one down, and a few more to go! Gorgina: Come on, be fully charged! Molly: So... what now? UBOS: Just heard a report that the original owners were not at the French boarding schools. Gorge: Any other suggestions? UBOS: I know where. Scene 4 Lance Boil: Wherever I go, it's always Grossologists that stop me! Knightbrace: How... embarrassing! Toilenator: I still say we turn Gorgina into a giant otter at night! Lance Boil: Brilliant! Time for some... revenge! Knightbrace: But how do we stop those Grossologists? Lance Boil: It wouldn't hurt if they were raccoons? Knightbrace: Lance? Lance Boil: At night. Knightbrace: Oh. Lance Boil: In other words, the only way to stop those Grossologists is to turn them into something else! Toilenator: So? Lance Boil: So, we sneak into their lab and fill it with this chemical that turns them into animals! Knightbrace: What about Gorge? Lance Boil: That's where the Common Cold comes in. Make him sick, kidnap Gorgina and Molly, and turn both Molly and Gorgina into monsters! Knightbrace: So were-animals are monsters, now? Lance Boil: Exactly, Knightbrace! Knightbrace: Well, let's go! Scene 5 (Gorge writes in his journal) Gorge: (narrating what he writes in his journal) Day 2 with UBOS is as amazing as when I found him. I'm too scared to tell anyone that doesn't already know him. And with several villains on the run, I'm not willing to give up until I find UBOS's original owners. Even if several villains planned revenge, I have a pair of Grossologists on speed dial, so they can come over and arrest Lance for whatever gross crime he's up to. Molly: I wonder if UBOS can help me with something! Gorge: (still writing in his journal) Oh yeah, and Molly seems to be growing fond of UBOS, to the point that she's asking him for spells on how to make her look different. Personally, this thing is like a Spelldrive without power points. Molly: UBOS, make me look pretty. Gorge: (still writing in his journal) And Gorgina, well, she's still wanting to play that "Furry Frenzy" game that she's been talking about ever since I got the book. Hopefully all this madness will stop once I return UBOS to his original owners. UBOS: All right, I'll admit something I've only admitted a couple of times before. I have no original owners. In fact... Gorge: Cassandra is your great-granddaughter! UBOS: How'd you find that out so quickly? Gorge: Googled it. UBOS: Oh, that. Gorge: Umm, seems like some villains are going to attack this shelter at nightfall, so we'd better prepare. UBOS: Alright, we've got tons of supplies and... Gorge: Not that. I mean, prepare to fight. And I'll get the Grossologists on speed dial, because I hear they're bringing in the Common Cold. (later that evening) Gorge: (talking on the phone) Could you please come over? Oh, and bring some chicken soup, because Lance is also bringing the Common Cold over. (later that night) (the Grossologists arrive) Abby: There's the Common Cold! Ready to fire some chicken soup at him? Ty: Sure, but do we adjust our blasters? They usually fire goop. Abby: We don't, actually. We've got another machine. Ty: Let's hurry this up. I kinda want to get to bed. Abby: You and me both. (the chicken soup is successfully fired at the Common Cold) Common Cold: Yuck! I've already had that nasty junk once and- hey! You two aren't affiliated with the Kids Next Door! Ty: We are affiliated with the Bureau of Grossology! Abby: In other words, we don't use 2x4 technology. Let's go, Common Cold. I'm pretty sure that once we catch Boil and his other goons, they'll see you behind bars. Gorge: Thanks once again. UBOS: Now, tomorrow morning, we find Cassandra, Gus and Verne! Gorge: Will do. Good night. Scene 6 Lance Boil: Curses! Foiled again! Knightbrace: Why so glum? Lance Boil: Common Cold's in jail and they're still intact! Why, I am getting fed up with those Grossologists! Knightbrace: Want me to use Sharon? Sharon: I heard that! Lance Boil: What? Those braces would never work with our evil schemes! Yours are way eviler, Knightbrace. Knightbrace: Why, thank you. Toilenator: I can have a go at it. Lance Boil: Seriously? What's the best you'll do? Besides, I have another idea. (the DCFDTL arrive) DCFDTL: Good morning, Mr. Boil. How might we be of assistance today? Lance Boil: Oh, you must be the Delightful Children from Down the Lane. DCFDTL: Of course. So, why have you called us? Lance Boil: Have you heard about "Furry Frenzy"? DCFDTL: We never played that game. You want us to disassemble it? Lance Boil: What? No, I don't want it disassembled. I want you to go in there and send Gorgina and Molly messages to join the game. I'm not even sure if it can be disassembled. DCFDTL: And if we succeed? Lance Boil: You'll have helped me with my... revenge! DCFDTL: Is it just us, or are we gonna have to go into a forest as critters? Lance Boil: Oh, you will become critters, but you might end up in a suburban area. DCFDTL: OK, we're in. Lance Boil: Bring out the next prisoner! (Knightbrace brings in a bunch of babbleberries) Lance Boil: What are these? They're so bitter, I can't stand it! Knightbrace: No, I think the prisoner is in the tub! (Jimmy Two-Shoes gets out of the container) Jimmy Two-Shoes: What's with the setup? This isn't Misery, Inc. Lance Boil: Tell Beezy that you're hanging out at a game called "Furry Frenzy"! Jimmy Two-Shoes: What game? (Jimmy Two-Shoes gets sucked into the game) Lance Boil: Two down, one to go. Knightbrace: We're running out of prisoners already? Lance Boil: Yes, but won't worry. Soon, I'll have my... revenge! DCFDTL: Oh, and we have one favor to ask of you. Lance Boil: Yes. DCFDTL: We'll only help if you don't double-cross us and turn us into critters in the real world! Lance Boil: I don't make promises, since you know that I double-crossed Roger Pink-eye. DCFDTL: Just try not to double-cross us. Lance Boil: I'll try. Knightbrace: We attack tomorrow night. Lance Boil: Excellent. It seems like the right time for... revenge! Scene 7 Gorge: Hey, I think I've found something! Molly: What is it? Gorge: I dunno, but it looks like a newspaper from the 1970s. Hey, UBOS, can you please scan this paper? (UBOS looks through the newspaper) UBOS: This newspaper is from 1973. Its main article was labelled "Can Otters Really be Used for Water Balloons?". Gorge: And the conclusion? UBOS: It was proven that they couldn't be used as water balloons beforehand. In other words, this newspaper was a fake! It was also apparently sold for profit. Gorge: That was liable to get whoever made this up arrested! But are we any closer to discovering what Lance is planning right now? UBOS: Actually, maybe not. Want to set up camp here? Gorge: I'd like all the shut-eye we can get. (later that night) Gorge: I think Lance is going to attack tomorrow night. UBOS: How do you know these things? Gorge: Well, I just have that feeling. Tomorrow night, we'd better be ready, and I'll call Cassandra tomorrow morning to see if she'll come over. UBOS: Oh, so you have her on speed dial? Gorge: Everyone uses caller ID now. Her name just suddenly appeared on my contacts last night. UBOS: Well, what a waste of an adventure. Gorge: Not a total waste. I'll be sending Lance a video. (Gorge starts recording a video) Gorge: Hey, Boil! If you're watching this, then UBOS is going back to Cassandra real soon. The final fight is tonight. And no need to guess who will win the fight. (Gorge stops recording the video and saves it to his phone) Molly: Do you think that'll convince him? Gorge: I hope it does. Scene 8 Lance Boil: So, what do you want when we rule over the world? (Dib arrives) Dib: I know what I want. To expose the fact that Zim is an alien! Lance Boil: You're crazier than the craziest person revenge can buy! How much do you want? Dib: If you want my services... I can do it for free. Lance Boil: OK, so that's now seven billion people minus five. Dib: Why not minus 4? Lance Boil: Someone doesn't like the game at all. Dib: What game? Lance Boil: Oh, what game, you ask? "Furry Frenzy", that's what! It was a game created by Sophie, and now I'm using it for my own personal glorification! Hey, if I can't take over the Bureau of Grossology, maybe I'll turn all of those Grossologists into critters instead! Dib: Well, had a deal with Glowface before, what could stop me from another deal with a villain? I'll help you, and you can expose the fact that Zim is an alien. Lance Boil: I don't need to. Dib: What? Lance Boil: Because by then, everyone minus five people would be critters! (Dib goes on his cell phone) Dib: You already took out the Mankanshokus? Wow, he's good. Lance Boil: Yes, soon everyone in Honno Town will be critters! Unless Gorge hands over that Ultimate Book of Spells, so I can rip it apart to shreds! Dib: What a minute... Ultimate Book of Spells? Lance Boil: Yes, the Ultimate Book of Spells. Source of all magic! Dib: Wait... it's the source of all magic? Lance Boil: Why, of course! If it wasn't for that book, I wouldn't be scheming this up! Dib: So? Lance Boil: I shall first attack Gorge, who is currently camping with his friends, then I shall rip that stupid book to shreds, and then... revenge! Dib: You are pretty evil, Lance. Lance Boil: Thank you. If it wasn't for those Grossologists, though... Scene 9 Gorge: OK, I will keep watching for anyone who wants to attack tonight, and... hopefully, tonight will be the last battle between Boil for a while! Molly: OK! Gorgina: My phone is fully charged! Time to play that game! Gorge: And there she goes, wanting to play "Furry Frenzy" again... except I don't want to. (Lance Boil arrives) Lance Boil: Hand over the book! Gorge: Uhh... no way! Lance Boil: There's no way one silly weapon that sprays Coke can have any effect on me! I've got a metal suit on! Gorge: You know, the Coke can actually cause the metal to rust. Lance Boil: Blast! Then what are you going to do? (Gorge presses the speed dial button and calls the Grossologists) (Abby and Ty Archer arrive) Abby: Seriously, Boil? We've had enough of your control over "Furry Frenzy"! Ty: Yeah, and why do you want to use it for your own personal glorification, anyway? Lance Boil: It's not my fault I'm using "Furry Frenzy" for my own purposes! It's... that book! The Ultimate Book of Spells! Abby: Yeah, right. The book never wanted to be used for evil. Lance Boil: Uhh... one more step and I'll cover the earth in puss! Stuff that'll turn everyone, and I mean everyone, into critters! Abby: And we've just neutralized it! Lance Boil: What? Abby: Time to put you and your friends behind bars. Dib: I'm not his friend. I just made a deal with him. Abby: Well, maybe not him. Everyone will just think he's in jail just for being paranoid and crazy. But as for Boil and the other villains... Ty: We're throwing them in jail. Abby: Time to put all three of you behind bars. Ty: And not just behind bars, either. Abby: Right, they'll be taken to maximum security. Ty: I mean, what are the chances of escaping from there? Abby: Very slim, if not impossible. Time to go, Boil. We're throwing you and your minions behind bars. Lance Boil: Release the last prisoner! (Sydney is thrown out of Lance Boil's aircraft) Abby: And how's Sydney today? Sydney: It was terrible! I got turned into a beaver-thingy! Abby: Close enough. Let's go, Lance. Ty: You're under arrest for the following, but not limited to, stealing the Furry Frenzy servers for your own personal gain... Abby: Turning Sharon into a gopher... Ty: ...threatening to turn most of the population into critters... Abby: ...turning Sydney into what looks like a beaver... Ty: ...threatening to erase all magic from the world by destroying UBOS... Abby: ...trying to turn Gorgina into a giant otter... Ty: ...making a big batch of puss to conduct your plan... Abby: ...and taking three people and/or critters hostage. Lance Boil: Blast it, Grossologists! Besides, how did you know all about those crimes? Ty: A little bird told us. You might as well confess! Lance Boil: Alright, I did it. I made deals with Knightbrace and the Toilenator to commit all those crimes. Last month, I decided to commit my first crime that didn't involve science, so I called those people up. And that's how it escalated. And then Gorge found that book at his house, and I heard about UBOS' "previous owners"... That's when I vowed to destroy that book for my revenge. Abby: What did the book ever do to you that made you want to destroy it? Lance Boil: He made sure I didn't escape from being caught by the likes of you Grossologists! Ty: I feel the same way. No other villain wanted to go as far as destroying UBOS! Abby: You do realize you're still going behind bars, right, Lance? Lance Boil: What if I plot my revenge scheme? Abby: Hate to break the fourth wall, but this movie is running for longer than it should. One movie is about enough. Lance Boil: Then I'll have my revenge in a different movie, or a different TV show! ...hopefully on Disney XD. Discovery Kids didn't work out for me. Same with Nickelodeon Canada. Scene 10 (cut to Lance Boil, Knightbrace, and the Toilenator in jail) Toilenator: People are probably gonna laugh at me, right? Knightbrace: Of course! Not even the KND regard you as a threat! Lance Boil: I should've never made a deal with the Toilenator in the first place! Knightbrace: Maybe we can just forget all about this mess? Lance Boil: What, with a trial in the coming months? We can't. Scene 11 (Cassandra arrives) (UBOS bonks Cassandra on the head) Gorge: Where were you when we needed you the most? Cassy: Sorry, I had some errands to run. Did you take care of UBOS? Gorge: I just found him outside. I don't know why. Cassy: Well, I guess I'll take him back to wizard school. UBOS: Well, I have to go. Gorge: Goodbye. Cassy: Oh, and what's up with this town? Is that a beaver-thingy? I'll never come back here again! Of course, this doesn't mean that I'll not contact you from time to time! Gorge: I understand. Cassy: Well, bye. Gorge: OK, goodbye. (Cassy heads back to her school) Scene 12 (final) (cut to the writer writing up the ending) Writer: One movie is enough! If there were more, the quality would be ruined! Director: Quickly, do you have the finished script for the ending? Writer: Just one more sentence... now I'm done! Director: Good enough. Approved! Writer: Thanks. Director: Wow, you're right. You're setting this up to be only one single movie. Writer: Because that's all there needs to be. Director: Right, so that means I'm returning the budget for the sequel to whoever's making the film. Writer: Whatever, at least the written part isn't going back into development hell. Director: This script only took a few days to write. How could it possibly be in development hell? Writer: Because a few days is a long time in my book. Director: Well, the only thing we'd have to worry about is combining cel animation, digital ink and paint, and Flash animation into one movie. Writer: Let's do it all in Flash! Director: I like how you're going with this. I approve that idea! Writer: Remember that one movie, called "The Thief and the Cobbler"? Director: Richard Williams fired a bunch of animators before they even set foot in his studio, right? Writer: Yep. Director: I don't want to be like Richard Williams. Writer: Agreed. (end)